Failure Loves Company

(Editor’s note: Quoting Lady Gaga seems appropriate today.)

Today was the final hearing of my divorce.  I woke up early, got court gussied, and went to the court to end the three months of limbo I’ve been in.  I got their early like I was supposed to.  My ex-wife did not and I was worried.  The door opened and the deputy asked for licenses and paperwork.  She wasn’t there.  We got corralled into the courtroom, a total of nine couples, singles, she wasn’t there.  The deputy did the run down of the proceedings.  She still wasn’t there.  I raised my hand at question time and asked what would happen if my wife was late and the deputy said as long as I was there, it didn’t matter if she was late or not.  The divorce was going to go through.

You have no idea how that infected me with a grin that you could not peel off of me.

She showed up, we got sworn in, there was a mild paperwork mix up with the other hearings, and five minutes after the hearing started, boom, we were divorced.  A few minutes later, we went and got a copy of our final judgement.

This is what freedom looks like on paper.

Fun fact: I did not have cash on me to buy the certified copy.  When my ex-wife pulled out a five to get the copy, my immediate thought was “Wow, for once you paid for something without me asking”.

And that’s that.

What have I done to celebrate?  Raid the library for CDs, had lunch at one of my favorite Japanese restaruants with a friend, bought this to have a toast.

This is what people drink while doing victory laps drink, son.

Atlanta was a blast by the way.  Ben Spivey and Matt DeBenedictis aren’t just talented writers, they are awesome human beings to hang out with.   They make me want to be in Atlanta a little more and I want to do more shows out there.  This was my set by the way.

1. Primer

2. Knife Show

3. Reciprocation (Dodging Traffic)

4. Quadriplegic

5. The Ghost Standing In Front Of You Is Your Ex-Wife’s New Girlfriend

6. Muse

7. The Bride of Dracula’s Gynecologist on Career Day (Dodging Traffic)

L to R: Ben Spivey, Matt DeBenedictis, J. Bradley - this is how nerd thugs pose after fucking a roomful of people up with words. (Photo: Rachel Kalyna)

During the post-reading dinner, I asked the room how I can cover up this tattoo.

Her first initial on my right wrist. I am not the arrogant type that can go to a woman: "that's my first initial so you can always remember it as I'm fingerbanging you."

Matt’s partner Jennifer suggested an apple to cover it up (from Primer).  I suggested having a bullet on my left wrist pointing at it to go with it.  I also have an idea with an x-rayed apple and in the middle you can see the bullet lodged in the core.  If any of you readers out there want to sketch and send, I’d love you more for it.  The best design will get something special from me, and no, it won’t be my penis.

Safety Third Enterprises has an online home.  Stalk this site religiously because The Serial Rapist Sitting Behind You Is A Robot is coming out soon and there will only be a limited amount of copies released.  Don’t miss out on pre-ordering because you didn’t have the fortitude to stay by your computer and miss work and endure a catheter and jar toiletry.

Finally, there is a 99% chance I will be living in Indianapolis for five weeks for work purposes.  The awesome thing is that this divorce lets me do this, though my cat will miss me.  I’ll also sometimes weekend in Chicago and see friends.  Dating will be a challenge for I am unsure how Indianapolis will handle me or if I can handle Indianapolis.

Off to write something so I can drink.