Dear Staff,
I’m disappointed at the edits to my original article, how you dulled such a fine set of throwing knives. Some of the things you turned them into aren’t even pick up lines, just brash statements filled with so much cheap gin and VHS pornography. I would sue but I don’t know who you actually are, I can only suspect. To rectify the wrong you’ve committed, I have no choice but to post the following:
J. Bradley Gives You Pick Up Lines
- Girl, you know you wanna get on this dick like it’s Schindler’s List.
- Let’s make ‘forever’ our safe word since neither of us want to say it and mean it.
- I want to abandon children on the stoop of your chin.
- Tonight, I’ll hollow you out like a divorce.
- The best baptisms are golden.
- Want to know what my ex-wife tastes like?
- I will make your body forget my name.
- If you were here, we’d be at Planned Parenthood by now.
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