Failure Loves Company

Salting The Wounds

iheartfailure — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 00:44:28 +0000

Working on memorizing two poems I have not memorized for the Poetry In Motion show in October and I discovered that upon doing the first run of “These Are Vows”, that I had most of it memorized and then when I did it in the shower, I had it completely memorized. The hard part of doing the poem isn’t that I have to work out the timing with dancers and music but that I will have to do the poem. A lot. This will help develop a callus to the poem quickly.

I have work in this week’s issue of Short, Fast and Deadly here. Also, Metazen published today “We Used To Vacation” here. Enjoy.

Because We Haven’t Talked In A While

iheartfailure — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 01:07:06 +0000

Monday, I did my set at Metric Mondays, the Indianapolis poetry slam, and it was the first post divorce set where I did all memorized work.

1. Primer

2. Knife Show

3. The Ghost Standing In Front Of You Is Your Ex-Wife’s New Girlfriend

4. Quadriplegic

5. Hunt & Gather

6. Muse

7. Marching Bands of Manhattan

It was a largely sad set however the audience paid attention and was largely quiet and attentive. Indianapolis has a young scene that shows a lot of promise. I look forward to seeing how they grow.

Ben Spivey interviewed me regarding The Serial Rapist Sitting Behind You Is A Robot (TSRSBYIAR) here and I talk a lot about where I’ve been and where I’m coming from with my work as of late.

August 20 = Win Day

iheartfailure — Sat, 21 Aug 2010 05:18:58 +0000

-The Serial Rapist Sitting Behind You Is A Robot is on pre-sale through Safety Third Enterprises. Get you some robot rape here.

-Just Do It is on this week’s episode of the Orange Alert Podcast. Listen to it here.

-I wrote “Rug Cutter” the day I got divorced. You should read it on this month’s issue of The Legendary here.

-End Win Day!

New Show Announcement

iheartfailure — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 00:37:49 +0000

I will be featuring at Metric Mondays (Locals Only Art & Music Pub – 2449 East 56th St) this Monday, August 23 @ 8pm – $5 cover. You get a lot for $5 at this show. Last Monday, I saw an open mic, a local spotlight poet, a feature, a music feature, and then the slam (there wasn’t one this week but there will be one on August 23). It was a great show and I’m thrilled to feature. Adam, Erin, and Corey are doing an amazing job at holding this young slam scene down.

This Friday, not only with I have something in the latest issue of The Legendary but the pre-sale begins for The Serial Rapist Sitting Behind You Is A Robot. Only 65 copies will be printed. Will you be one of the sixty-five coolest people on the planet? Click here for all the info.

Confrontation

iheartfailure — Sun, 15 Aug 2010 02:42:13 +0000

Last week while in the checkout aisle, my iPod played Death Cab For Cutie’s “I Will Follow You Into The Dark” and I didn’t have the ability to change it or stop it. I was about to break down until a cashier waved me over and that helped dam the tears. I used to avoid triggers, sidestep them or run, but in order to remove their power, I make myself deal with them, face them head on. It happened again in K-Mart. I played Iron & Wine’s Newport Folk Festival set, the set I listened to after my failed set at Quimby’s, sitting in a chair alone in a living room while it rained, the set I listened to after my ex-wife yelled at me about having too much fun on the road. The Iron & Wine version of “Such Great Heights” is in that set, the second song we danced to. My arms full, I let it happen. The tears wanted to come but I didn’t let them escape.

This is “Marching Bands Of Manhattan”. The poem is not published yet. Enjoy this on a rainy evening, in a room with little light and arms to hold you.

Project J. Beardly Update

iheartfailure — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 02:56:44 +0000

So far

Wisdom: +127% – men with beards are wiser than clean shaved men.
Charisma: +150% – women like men who have beards. It illustrates bearded men are fertile and our seeds survive the journey.
Constitution: +102% – it catches my sweat as we go all night long. It also captures your taste for me to savor, like a Ziploc bag or a broken fridge

And now behold

This is the album cover to the soundtrack of exhaustion.

You may now ride the lightning.

An Open Letter To The Tattler (2010 NPS Finals Edition)

iheartfailure — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 01:08:07 +0000

Dear Staff,

I’m disappointed at the edits to my original article, how you dulled such a fine set of throwing knives. Some of the things you turned them into aren’t even pick up lines, just brash statements filled with so much cheap gin and VHS pornography. I would sue but I don’t know who you actually are, I can only suspect. To rectify the wrong you’ve committed, I have no choice but to post the following:

J. Bradley Gives You Pick Up Lines

Girl, you know you wanna get on this dick like it’s Schindler’s List.
Let’s make ‘forever’ our safe word since neither of us want to say it and mean it.
I want to abandon children on the stoop of your chin.
Tonight, I’ll hollow you out like a divorce.
The best baptisms are golden.
Want to know what my ex-wife tastes like?
I will make your body forget my name.
If you were here, we’d be at Planned Parenthood by now.

If Only Your Content Was As Deep As Your Inhale

iheartfailure — Sun, 08 Aug 2010 21:23:55 +0000

For the first time ever, the National Poetry Slam was streamed online and I, along with hundreds of others, got to watch the event from the safety of our couches and office chairs. My reaction to the whole thing was a rage cabin built log by log based on the following observations

Content: 14 out of the 16 poems at finals were incredibly unremarkable. The highlights came from Ken Arkind and Jared Singer, both from the 2010 Nuyo team, where actual writing and performance was displayed. All of the group work demonstrated on the finals stage was a clinic on how not to write and perform group pieces. There should always be a reason why you need more than one voice to perform a poem. That night, those poems would have done just fine with one person and less volume. It is also my understanding that the defending champs used three out of the four poems in their semi-final bout, two of which they used in the bout they won in the 2009 semi-finals against Orlando. The fact that the defending champs were able to go on cruise control and win says that the poems put up against them were not enough to overcome old material, an illustration of the safety that the reinstated repeat rule encourages.

Performance: poets, please learn how to breathe through your nose when you are performing so we don’t hear the asthmatic otter sounds you make between your words; if only the content was as deep as the inhales heard last night. Also, large quantities volume does not convey heart.

Originality: 10% at best. I was able to fill out my slam bingo card by the end of the first round.

Had I been at the show, I would have walked out, like I did last year, or drank myself into oblivion and then walked out. I know others who didn’t stick around either and the fact we’ve had two really lackluster finals in the last two years should be an alarming trend to everyone. Essentially, what was crowned was not a champion, but a lesser of four evils. I only hope Boston will reverse this trend and we get a team finals that inspires rather than embitters.

The product info for The Serial Rapist Sitting Behind You Is A Robot is up here. Stalk it because pre-ordering starts soon and only 65 copies will be made available consumption.

The J. Beardly project continues. I will post photos soon.

Fail Night

iheartfailure — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 05:15:20 +0000

Thursday night was full of fail between my slam team taking fourth out of four teams in their bout at the National Poetry Slam (the first time since 2006), no one coming to the slam tonight, and missing my bus by two minutes. It wasn’t all bad because I got to talk to someone while waiting for the bus for over an hour. When I came home and turned on my computer, I saw that MiCrow picked up my flash (non) fiction piece, “Welcome to Orange County”, which you can read here. Tomorrow should be better. In theory.

This Is A Soundtrack

iheartfailure — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 04:02:35 +0000

Music has played an integral part of my life and development as a writer. I was raised on Led Zeppelin, the Beatles, ELO, Talking Heads, and so on. I was into Robert Palmer’s Heavy Nova album when I was nine. My first concert was Nirvana in 1993. I learned how to write poetry through The Smashing Pumpkins, The Cure. I had my heart broken by the Smashing Pumpkins and vowed to never let a woman ever come between me and my music ever again. I raid the public library for CDs (because fuck you, reading).

See my indie cred up top? Here's what tempers it: in the middle there's Phil Collins first solo album No Jacket Required and Def Leppard's Pyromania. All I'm missing is some Crue, GnR, and Metallica (pre-haircut).

I. love. music. If a choice was made where I have to give up sex or give up music, I’m perfectly o.k. with eating large quantities of salt peter for the rest of my life.

The last few years, I’ve had great concert luck on my birthday. 25 was Cursive when they had a cellist, 26 was The Good Life, 29 was Radiohead, 30 was Kings of Leon, Death Cab For Cutie, Nine Inch Nails/Jane’s Addiction…in the same week. It made me a little sad that at 31, I had nothing to celebrate and I think it was the universe’s way of saying broheim, you have to suffer for awhile and the universe was right: I had to because of this

LCD Soundsystem and The National will be in Orlando. Back to back. Near what would have been my wedding anniversary. When I read the news, I screamed like a seven-year-old boy who just shot his first flaming arrow from a crossbow. I’m planning on going. I might buy an extra ticket and take someone (I have no idea who) so they can share in this moment of awesomeness. Concerts, I missed you. Thank you for coming back to me.

Behold

This is my tired face.

The J. Beardley project will last until Labor Day. Very few will talk me out of it. Co-workers will be far too polite to say anything, as they were the last time I rocked the Castro. When I come back to Orlando after my long stay in Indy, I will shear it. Until then, viva la revolution, motherfuckers!